Look again, and when you are ready, see what you have not seen before!
Letting go of those 'thoughts-gone-awry' that have taken on a life of their own and now avoid the review that will most certainly undo their power of definition over you ("I was never that thought!!!") is never done alone, but done with your 'Inner-Other' who has been patiently waiting for you to see it all differently.
Let's be willing today to trust The Plan and allow Its Process. 

Just what we needed – a new category to talk about! I’m going to share some of my ‘rememberings’ with you which often occur through song verse and text quotes.
I warn you now, the chances of you hearing what I think I am saying will in no way affect the outcome which is this: you will begin to remember who and what you are in such a time-appropriate way that the light of your truth will shine upon the places we were hiding love (oops! That’s from Peter Gabriel…). There’ll be no stopping us on this road to freedom once our eyes have seen (I know, I know, sounds a bit like Van-the-Man).
So, as my friend Craig implores constantly: “Enjoy the ride!”

As I prepared to do year 17 several weeks ago I took a hit from the fact that I do not have permission to speak about the deep personal encounters that arrived in my life in 1984-85 through the life story of extended community. As I contemplated one specific event that shook apart the very foundation of a family I visited in the fall of '84, I knew that I could not simply use coded language to transmit the full significance of an ancient wound arriving at the surface to be reclaimed and then released.
Due to this perceived dilemma I took a hiatus from recall and really didn't know what to expect as a response from my Self as my commitment to recast the story of my life went into a spin mode without draining the wash water. One thing became clear though, the soiled water that had been soaking the fabric of my storyboard needed to be replaced with fresh water. Kind of like selecting the 'extra rinse' option on the front loading washing machine...
It was as if my emotional network over rode my conscious commitment to remember and release in order to move on, and I entered the premise that 'others' would use those troubled years as an indictment in some court of judgment. Knowing that there is no 'other' out-there to judge me, I spent time with my inner judge, giving a listen for a while.
It seems I had indeed left a piece of Self fragmented in exile without knowing that I would never be able to leave this dimension behind as long as there was one piece of Self I judged as not worthy of being me. If all doubt is self-doubt, then indeed it is true that all judgment is self-judgment and the true gift can only ever be that all love is self-love.
I had forgotten this.

So, shall we continue…?

Monday, March 9, 2009
Bristol, RI
5:17 AM

Been up for a bit – drinking my coffee now. Giggling a bit…
Started around 3:20-ish while I was becoming aware that it was going to rain and that I had put out Lynda’s trash last night and it’s uncovered so the bins will collect some water and the trash collectors may not want to pick up the rain heavy bins…
Few options in this moment – which brings up the real point; ‘concern’ about what may happen stems from worry that I should not have left uncovered trash bins out that could collect rain water, and in this moment I should/could fret, worry, get upset. Notice the ‘need’ or at least the propensity to feel worried that ‘it should not be the way that it is’ and ‘something needs to be done.’
My attention turns to the awareness of my skin blemishes, my ‘therapeutic-wounds’ as I have chosen to think of them.
Time to connect the dots… it’s all related, all symptoms of the same underlying error in cognition…

I often awake in the earliest hours and sometimes, like this morning, I allow the presence to stay, and get up; but I usually drift back to sleep and dreamtime. But the rain kept me awake, aware that, shy of driving over to Tiverton to look in the garage for trash can lids, there wasn’t much I could do. But now I can’t sleep and the thought / suggestion that I be upset by the ‘fact’ that I cannot drift off to dreamland seems like an alien thought to me now… just give-in (damn it!) and get up.
And I’m giggling at something. I think about a neighbor’s dog that visits on occasion and I think he’s a ‘wonderfully-goofy’ dog; you can tell just by the way he looks that he’s goofy. Makes me giggle a bit. Can’t sleep, can’t stop the rain, still got those skin blemishes that ‘if only I had health coverage I could get them looked at’ and suddenly I ‘see’ the inter-connected / inter-relatedness of it ALL.
Some part of me is always on the lookout, always aware that at any moment ‘something’ could, in fact probably will ‘happen’ that will require a change of plan, a need to fix or correct, in order to be okay. As if I should proclaim: “It’s a good thing you’re on top of this” for otherwise I’d be… what?
Ahh, yes, my old rhetorical buddy pipes up from within. “So, Willie, what’s afraid? Oh, yeah, and while you’re at it, once again – exactly what is it afraid of?????”

‘Can’t sleep – must be something wrong’ --- Really?
‘It’s raining out – you shouldn’t have put the trash out because the trash collectors won’t empty rained-in containers’ --- Well, we’ll see soon enough, and then we can deal with it in the moment.
‘Well, what about those skin ‘things’ that just won’t go away – huh?’

The last one gave it all away; the ‘Old Faithful’ of my current concerns, reliably there to be the cause of fear. Suddenly it’s as plain as the noonday hour on a cloudless day: ‘You better be concerned; you better be afraid!’

My dear, sweet human, I seem to almost always forget that you simply don’t know how to think about my truth without reverting to a fear-based scenario. After being ‘in the presence’ of something that simply cannot be understood, comprehended, ‘grokked’ - and then left to yourself – all you can do is be afraid until, until… what?

My time with Dr John Mack and Roberta Colasanti during the days of PEER were all about holding a space for me, in my humanness, as I grappled with what Dr John lovingly referred to as ‘ontological shock’ as if they both were my mid-wife as I birthed this new, emerging me. And even though Johnny Mack is now off-stage, his pediatric care of me seems to be continuing from that near-by dimension as well as through my continued contact with Bobbie. That, combined with 24+ years working with the metaphysics of A Course in Miracles, allowed me to chuckle, to giggle this early morning. I am currently, as I write this, fully encased in complete knowing that the ‘more-than-human’ me poses a very real threat to my human. It doesn’t mean to, and in truth ‘it’ – my ‘more-than-human-Self’ means no harm to anything, in fact it’s appearing only because it has been invited.

Ever since July 5, 1996 when I sent ‘that’ letter off to PEER I have been in ontological shock, and this morning, beginning around 3:33 AM it all fit into some form of higher sense.

Looks as if my favorite rhetorical will soon be bidding me a found adieu, its gift nearly unfathomable. Chuckle, giggle – call it what you will; in this moment it all makes sense, perfect sense.

Guess I better get ready to drive over to Lynda’s place and drain the rain from the trash cans… or not!

It's been said in many ways - "Know Thy Self" -- "To thine own Self be true" -- "Heal thy Self" and so today let's remember this: "Striving plunges you into confusion as to who you really are and why you try so hard, for finding yourself is all that matters in the actuality of making."

Your 'Original-Self' is your natural way of being, and allowing this original signature to surface is putting Self First so you can be Self-Full and then begin to leave well enough alone!

You are in a trance.
You are 'normal.'
You are not yourself; yet, you are always accompanied by your Self.

Today you can forget all you taught yourself - for one brief moment - and glimpse your Truth.

Laughter is required, for it is the only remedy that can override the blush of realizing you believed it was all true...

Sometimes it is as simple as asking: "What meaning shall I give to this?"
This of course implies that there is someone/something to ask such a question to. All of our work now is on accessing / awakening the real you, the 'more-than-human' aspect of self that is just waiting to be invited to share the ride...
So - when you are tempted to take that 'bad turn to the left' remember the following:
1) Refuse fear’s story of you (“See what you’ve done!”) – it comes to steal your identity. You are ‘cause’ and can never be defined by the effects of story unfolding.

2) Call upon Self rather than believing the surrounding circumstances can define your truth by causing you to be, to feel, to behave, etc. accordingly, when in fact these ‘special effects’ are only following subtle cues.

3) Stand apart from the circumstances - as they seem to appear - by realizing the surrounding effects can never define your truth; they can only show you what you believed (had been thinking…).

4) Call upon the ‘causal-aspect-of-self’ (mind) and choose not the circumstances as your defining truth.

If, while in the presence of 'Real Thought' there is an absence of fear, then if there is fear present in the story of your life, you are in a state of uncertainty. There are ways to regain certainty which we'll look at tomorrow.
So again, where there is fear there is uncertainty – an absence of knowing where one can only ‘guess’ what to do.
This leads you to doubt your ability to choose due to the ‘evidence’ of the story unfolding, and tends to keep you unwilling to believe in something else.

So, if it is true that the (ultimate) outcome is already determined and 'our' human awareness of this pre-existing state is the source of all our anxiety and it is inevitable that we all arrive into this always, already preexisting state, what do we do today?
Once we identify the home of the fear (and you know it's not out there) we can strengthen our awareness of the truth by engaging in 'Real-Thought' and eventually (or, actually, immediately) remember who/what we are.

Hang on now; it's 'time' to Re-Define 'self' and yes, that most certainly is 'self' with a small, lower-case s because the Other Self cannot be redefined simply because of its source...
I know YOU know this already, but perhaps (in your humanness) you forgot!!!!!!
So, today, re - define your self, that human thing that you are, and make room in your busy, hurry-worry world for your Self to be heard.
Do you have any idea who you are?????????

The 'lesson-plan' that follows you wherever you go can be seen as a smudge upon the lens of true perception, blurring the original screen upon which we display ourselves. The angst some of us feel so deeply is due to our inability to see what we know is there, and that is due to the 'Perceptual Blind Spot' that we agreed to clean away.
Don't get lost in the blind spot! I almost did yesterday and I saw far too many of us there in the throes of despair forgetting who we are and why we're here!
There is no stopping us now, for our eyes have seen. Our human feels lost; be compassionate today, you're worth it!

As I continue to wrap-up my stuff and address dangling conversations, this note may find its way to its originator:

Beamish –

Thank you for your thoughts, and I’m happy to respond to your comments. First off, I’m not so good at this stuff so please bear with me. I found this site after receiving an email from a good friend only 2 days ago, on January 8, 09 around 5:05 PM EST.
I was surprised to find that someone had posted some of my YouTube material and invited others to watch it, and sent off a quick note to ‘ats’ but may have done it incorrectly since I meant it for the ‘atsguy’ as an acknowledgment, only to find it got posted as an ‘out-of-context’ anonymous note. (Submitted on Jan 9, 09)

To my surprise, as I checked back to the site I saw your comment, and it set me to wondering why I was feeling what I was feeling as I read your thoughts.

So, here goes:
Timeline – The YouTube material was first done in January, 2008, just one year ago. My good friend shot it on a borrowed, poor quality older video camera and then had to find the means to get it on the site. There were three of us together at the time and it was a truly spontaneous (now I wonder if it was actually impulsive) decision to finally post some material I had kept rather hidden for many years.
So, Jan ’08 was when I made available to a larger public audience what you so accurately refer to as a “life changing experience.”

The Monkey See material was actually filmed in July 21, 2007 and made available when they launched on Jan 14, 08 (also one year ago this week). I took the opportunity to use the Monkey See site to chat about my work on intuitive insight and answer some general questions on what I have found over the years.
So when I read, in reference to my Monkey See postings: “He seems to have forgotten (which is odd for someone promoting awakening of the self) his ET experiences” I felt a shot that I’m pretty sure you were not delivering; but none the less, I wondered WHY I would have to have spoken about my ET material, then and there. It was not what that opportunity was about, and I assure you I most certainly had not then, nor have I now, forgotten the experiences.

As far as “…his memory has also become selective on his own site” - well, it’s not my memory that was selective, simply my timing. I first started posting daily glimpses on my earliest web site in 1999. At that time I was still working with the late Dr John Mack and the clinical director at PEER, and believe me (if you so choose) I was in no way going to talk about or share my experiences as they were emerging and being integrated. Not only would it have been inappropriate, but I was in such a state during those years that it would only have exacerbated my at-times fragile psychological state. I don’t expect you to understand, but I will tell you that when I first established my web presence, my services were not dependent upon my ET experiences.

When you brought up the financial aspect, or more directly: “And money has reared its ugly head too…” I was taken aback. I understand you probably know very little about me and how I do, indeed, struggle to stay alive financially. In January of 1988 I left my last ‘real job’ as a production manager for a semi-custom yacht builder in New England as I was starting to come undone deep inside. At that time, I couldn’t imagine what I was in store for. I began doing readings for people using the language of astrology which I had been studying personally since Feb, 1981. I found that I was able to access tremendous amounts of information about an individual after (I thought) examining their natal chart. The exchange proved beneficial for them and yes, I did charge a fee. At the time this is how I lived and paid bills.
By 1991 I had a strong client base and found that I did not need to use the tools I had developed, but I was not comfortable with the idea that I could access information directly, on my own. Over the next 10 years my intuitive skill  took on a life of its own, and I continued to avail my self to others. In 2001 my life took an incredible turn that I’m still building upon.

So, to your comment of: “Yup, I agree everyone’s got to make a living, but at the EXPENSE of turning your back on an apparently life changing experience? Is he embarrassed by his earlier proclamations?” I offer the explanation that I am not embarrassed, nor am I ashamed of my journey, and I now understand that all of my inter-dimensional experiences are part of my current package and what it is I have to offer. As far as whether or not my ET experiences are the most significant or life changing, I would say no, they are only part of my story.
I know several friends and clients that have had traumatic experiences (abuse, rape, death) and none of them include them in their current job or life description for they are far too personal. Only when it is safe and appropriate do they offer up their personal experiences. I never wish to become known as ‘the guy who got taken by alien beings as a child and had some pretty terrible things done to him’ since that is not who I am; even though it happened, that alone does not make me who and what I am. The evening I chose to tell my parents about some of my experiences in case they wanted to meet Dr John and the research group was more than enough emotional torque for me until very recently.

Finally, your last comment is most intriguing as it is also on my mind. When you ponder: “It makes me wonder how many people actually click on his bio, and then are surprised to find accounts of his abduction experience” you are not alone on that.
I wonder, should it matter? My clients agree to work with me after experiencing first hand my connection to their inner-truth. When I take my car in to be worked on, do I ask about the mechanic's psycho-spiritual experiences? No, I do not; for me it is enough that he was recommended and hopefully honest in his work. I take great pride in doing my work and the exchange is incredible for me since I am always left in the presence of my ‘Inner-Other’ who has been with me from the very beginning. While it is true that my Inner-Other cannot pay rent or buy gas or food, my clients are only too glad to help keep me alive! By the way, the site you pasted is out of date as I now request substantially more for my time, as my worth has increased. Still not enough to have health coverage or drive anything but a 13-year-old car that always needs something fixed, but perhaps someday…

What I have seen and experienced has touched me to my soul and allowed my human to access those memories. I struggle with keeping that touch in memory while trying to stay viable in this world. I am not so good at the ‘being human’ part and many people have their own opinions about how and what it is that I am doing wrong. I know no other way, and am comforted only by the knowledge that as I awake I am in the presence of a love so incredible that it’s okay. My life may not be as I wish it to be, but it is the way it needs to be for me to remember. And I Will Remember…

Hope this settles your questions about my selective memory, but in truth you are correct. Memory is about as accurate as is perception, and mine is most certainly up for review. Perhaps we’ll meet on the other side of perception, or maybe we already have and your comments were always meant to be found by me yesterday so I could write this today. Honestly, sometimes ‘remembering’ can be a bitch!

Best to you,
As Always,
IAm
     

There is, right now, an already, preexisting lesson plan that will meet and interface with you no matter where you seem to be. The outcome, the goal of this lesson plan, is to return you to mindfulness where you can access true-informed-choice and perhaps commit to remembering your Original State.
Implementing that plan is our (human) task as choosing it over the distractions of this world can be quite a challenge until we're ready to follow.
If you're reading this, you're ready...

Well, looks like it got sorted-out and my postings are now available to be shared.

My commitment to posting one year every Sunday has brought with it a lot of amazing pieces out of my past as well as some resistance to releasing the old. I don't expect my limited memories to mean much to you but by engaging my inner companion and using selective-recall I have indeed begun to bring to the surface and wring-out remnants no longer needed as well as being able to visit again some remarkable episodes.

All memory is highly selective as is perception, but by agreeing and allowing my Inner-Other to select with me it's like watching the big movie run at the moment of death!

Ever since I saw the movie Jacob's Ladder I feared that I actually died on that Friday, September 6, 1968 and that all this other 'stuff' - this phenomenal experience I've been wading through was all about the final release. On several occasions I told Dr John that I worried I was already dead and just afraid to let go.

Turns out that I've been 'hanging-on' for a lot longer than 40 years, but now I'm letting go. I promise to share, as honestly as possible, what happens next.

"In the blood of Eden, lie a woman and a man... It was all for the union; Oh, the union of the woman, the woman and the man..."

"... Son, He said, grab your things; I've come to take you HOME!"


 

Your Original Self is always available for comment, but It speaks a slightly different language. Your human self needs to be reminded to ask, and much more importantly, to listen...

Sept 6, 1971 - Sept 5, 1972
Leaving high school behind, headed for Boston, a much bigger world awaits...

I'm not sure why, but my last two posts are somewhere, simply not on this page. I'm waiting for a response about how to get back on-line with libsyn and meanwhile I'm reminded about how a breakdown in communication can be frustrating, at best.

And still, the 'inner-connect' is there, or actually here waiting to be chosen.

There is a perfect parallel between my wanting to post and it simply not going through with my podcast yesterday about the Two as One. The Original state is perfectly intact while the human state is floundering at best. Whatever the reason, the experience remains the same: One is real in its continuous presence while the other is imagined and subject to conditions.
 
Are you ready to stare into your truth for a longer period today and invite Its Presence to shine on this world? Prepare yourself for the shock of only being able to see what is real here, for your truth will look right past the shadowy figures that used to hold your attention. Be gentle and use the filter of laughter as any attempt at serious analysis will only try to catch you in its net, its web of deception.

If you are keen to it, you will notice our true brothers and sisters doing the same thing today - looking through the illusion to the thought that allowed this movie to linger for so long only to be seen for what it is: a thought gone awry and now soon to be released as we make our way back to our entry point. What's working for me is to keep talking to my Truth as the remnants of past thoughts and beliefs get blown away.

Your Truth is closer than you realize and your human has some serious concerns. Be nice, be kind, and be gentle. Today look through the thought that you allowed to hold your attention and invite the touch of The Entity You Are In Truth.

"I will be still an instant, and go Home..."

Your Original Self is always available for comment, but It speaks a slightly different language. Your human self needs to be reminded to ask, and much more importantly, to listen...

Sept 6, 1971 - Sept 5, 1972
Leaving high school behind, headed for Boston, a much bigger world awaits...

I speak now to the other you, the more-than-human that you are as well. By now you know, or, more appropriately, ‘remember’ that indeed you are both, this human that you are appearing as and that ‘other’ one also, the pre-existing already in-formed entity that knows more about your truth than your human does.


There is no need to fear that you will use it up, for it is unending in that it is your source of human participation. More accurately, it is the connection to your divine, eternal truth, and it is yours, all yours.

What you do with it is up to you and most certainly this is the grandest part of the gift. It will never be taken away from you although there are certain conditions under which you will not be able to access it, and the temporary absence of it will create within you an awareness that something is wrong (or not as it could be).

In these situations it might be more appropriate to simply realize that you are not in the proper relationship or alignment to your truth and therefore immediately begin to uncover that pre-existing state you allowed to be obscured by your recent choices in the world of collective human experience.

This understanding will save you wear and tear once your truth has activated its (silent) call and your human has felt its touch.

It is inevitable that your truth will sound its call and the only real variable once this has occurred is the amount of time you – your human – will take in releasing the chosen focal points of human experience that you selected to delve into.

Because it is inevitable it should now be clear that there are no ‘wrong’ experiences to choose from, only variants on the human scale of phenomenon.

The torque you will feel comes from when you reach your predetermined limit of depth in the human experience, just as the free-diving swimmer must eventually begin their return to the surface or drown. The difference here, of course, is that the entity that you are in truth cannot cease to exist for that is only a possibility within your human experience.

And so now we can begin to see the mysterious wonder of the thought, the concept, of life and death and begin to understand its necessity for the concept of time. As one who remembered fully put it, ‘you are not what you pretend to be’ and yet you are able to pretend, to believe, anything – even the unbelievable! That is the power you possess, to breathe into any thought and in doing so, make it so! Yet all the while, that is not what you are…

Three years into the life after the tree of pain is now establishing itself as the players begin to assemble and I meet Fate head-on.

Original Memory (OM) of the Original Relationship (OR) of The Entity That I Am (TETIA) - the Entity that You Are, in Truth, The Eternal Truth (ET)... are all word games we play to tickle the real you to begin to show It-Self.
Let's get on with what it is we agreed to do this time around. Let's agree to remember that previous, already existing I Am Mind.

In this world of wonder, what should we expect to change, or much more appropriately how will we see/experience the change? It all depends on which mind we engage to see. Indeed, it is the season to ask: "Do you see what I see...?"

It's a bit graphic at times, having these memories explode to the surface, but in the mix there's another story. It might not make much sense yet, but in the details are the pieces that will reconstruct the human man that tried so hard to hide the light and the gifts bestowed upon him...

Resistance is high, but futile.
Here's my first entry after being given my assignment to review the past 40 years in an effort to recontextualize my journey to this point.
Following my Inner Guidance, IAm.

On Sunday, Dec 7, 2008 it was suggested and generally agreed upon that it was now time to wrap-up my 40-year journey by inviting the recall of each year’s highlights as the reconstruction of my Humpty-Dumpty-Post-Fall avails itself for its finishing touches.

Adam/Lynda piped-in that by using the next 40 weeks to juxtaposition the pieces into a finished portrait I might finally see all the players involved in this production in their proper perspective. Neal Erickson was present in his role as both the witness and technical, next-step coach and I began to do the math: 40 weeks from Sunday, December 7, 2008 just happens to be Sunday, September 6, 2009 – the end of 40 years since my electrocution (and later referred to as my 'execution') and my travels since falling from that tree of pain and knowledge.

Needless to say, this past week has been fraught with flashbacks and bleed-throughs, forced memories and contacts with my past. I had received a copy of my medical records several years ago (mailed in Sept, 1998 – 30 years on…) which I retrieved last night from storage. Complete with date and time of admittance (9/6/68 @ 3:53PM via Barrington Ambulance) and discharge (10/25/68 @ 11:00 AM) as well as photographs of the damage done, my mind has been rushing to fill in the blanks…

So, for the next 40 weeks I intend to re-cap each year through the lens of my current filter as well as inviting – to the best of my ability – the appropriate age set. I may eventually do it in video format, but without some more help from my friends on how to film and edit, that will have to wait. For now, I’m trusting my guide/coach Adam and his intentions as I begin to reconstruct my Self from the ashes of the past.

I offer you a seat on the bus in the hope that my journey may shed some light on our collective journey – that of returning to full memory and awareness of who we are in Truth and why we’re here after all. Adam promises it will be worth the effort…      

This is my first video podcast post using iMovie on my new MacBook addressing several questions I've received since posting my Alien Encounter episode on YouTube that came out of my work with the late Dr John Mack.
Here I'm responding to whether or not my encounter experiences ended or were they replaced by yet another level of experience...