Wed, 17 March 2010 Year 35 Sept 2002 - Sept 2003 So now that I've gone and said it, let me try to share it in some coherent way (yeah, right! good luck!!). The link for some more background on the 'Child-of-Pain' see: http://soulinflight.wordpress.com/ These next few years are what delivers me to now, today. We'll be done soon... whatever that means...
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Sat, 13 March 2010 Year 34-2 Let me try to move through this year and 'get-over' my hesitancy to put it out there (so to speak). I'm deep into the throes of whatever this process still is, but something is very, very different... If I allow my turth to be remembered by my human, will I be able to accept it? If not, I 'know' some other aspect of this human condition will! Don't know how I know, but I know. I've done all this before, and this is what I do.
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Sat, 6 February 2010 Year 34 Sept 2001 - 2002 Well, here goes... Tomorrow I celebrate my 57th birthday and not sure how long for this world my body is meant for but I see no reason not to share what happened next. Nearly 9-years ago I was brought a story to integrate as part of my recovery and healing and it seems to me that I now ought to share it -- the story brought to me to consider -- since it has produced/facillitated/accompanied the changes that have produced me as I Am today. Nothing to lose; only One thing to regain.
NOTE: APPARENTLY 'THEY' are editing and the 69-second missing piece is by 'THEIR' design, so from 3:36-4:45 has been officially blocked... SO -- I'VE EDITED-OUT (to the best of my ability) the 'missing 69-seconds' in order to eliminate the dead-air that appeared before this edit (probably only 1 person had to listen to the original pod-cast with the lapse from 3:36-4:45) I really could use a technician in my life... Comments[0] |
Thu, 10 December 2009 Year 33 Part 2 March, 2001 -- Sept, 2001 Okay, here we are! As I suggest, this is the beginning of the last chapter, the collection of the last 9-years that will end in my now, contemporary-time of soon-to-be 2010. I began this recall last Dec 14th after Lynda/Adam suggested, on Sunday, Dec 7, 2008, that I take the next 40 weeks and recall the last 40 years. Well, I couldn't get it done in 40-weeks nor what is now 52-weeks, but I believe we'll be able to catch-up now. This past 8+ years have been challenging and difficult but apparently (???) necessary or 'required' and now I look to resurrect the essence, the real meaning, and move on. The flow of my Truth is approaching like a huge tsunami and what ever aspects need to be washed away will soon be just that - like dust in the wind my past is rolling-up behind me like a carpet or a walking treadmill that is moving through time. Comments[1] |
Wed, 9 December 2009 Year 33 Part - 1 Sept 6, 2000 -- March, 2001 Too long as it is, and still not enough time to talk about what's happening both within my mind and then in my life. But this is the year that everything pivots on, this is the time of my remembering coming to get me, whether I like it or not. Whether anyone likes it or understands it, apparently the stage is perfectly set and it's all going to show up now. Am I ready? Will I allow? Will I fight, deny or at least delay to the best of my ability? Both. Some changes will occur so swiftly that no anesthesia is required; other changes set into motion the resurfacing and releasing of truly ancient wounds. If ONLY I knew THEN... what I know and understand now... Comments[0] |
Fri, 4 December 2009 Year 32 Sept 1999 - Sept 2000 With my Dog by my side, mighty changes are coming! Web-site (thanks Craig!), promotional flyer and advertising (thanks Bob & Kath @ Heaven and Earth!!), horse accidents, horror dreams, hallucinations of the dark side, Prophet's Conference in Port Townsend, WA... all collude to produce an inner fire about to rage. All the while life on the farm provides all the special effects needed to percolate the perfect brew! Comments[0] |
Tue, 24 November 2009 Year 31 Sept 6, 1998 -- 1999 Took me three weeks to emerge from the memories after reading the transcripts from '97, '98, '99. So much happened, and so quickly, in that period that I can't possibly capture in even in 40+ minutes of babble! But I am now much more settled than I have ever been since beginning this 40-41 year recall. Once I get 'contemporary' and caught-up to '2009' (10 more posts???) this will all be over with and I can/will get back to now. Comments[0] |
Tue, 27 October 2009 Year 30 Sept 6, 1997 -- Sept 6, 1998 What to speak of, what to leave out... My consciousness is being played on multiple fronts and my life is screaming by as if I'm in a bubble. The highlights don't do justice but these next 10-years will produce an awakening of sorts that surprises me in many ways. The attempt to find 'home' brings me to Western Mass. and my leaving behind my roots in Newport. ET-stuff, death-experience recall and a gathering of new forces add to the mix in a mysterious way. Much is being glossed-over, but make no mistake, I am going to remember. Comments[0] |
Sat, 24 October 2009 Year 29 Sept 6, 1996 -- Sept 6, 1997 Well, here it is. It's 'official' - if you will. I'm an 'Experiencer' and the anger and rage now have an outlet. Suit coat and tie aside, I'm not fooling myself here. I'm losing my mind, my every-day, (if it ever was) ordinary mind. Can barely sit still. Walk, run, fly away. Avoid all mirrors!!! Don't look at what's happening. Re-reading these transcripts has hit me all over again. It's taking so long to integrate this. I'm taking so long to integrate this. Time's up. Got-to-let-go; Can't let go! Comments[0] |
Thu, 8 October 2009 Year 28 Sept 6 1994 - 1995 Moving right along let's get ready for opening that can-of-worms that I've been carrying around and looks like it's time to look deeply. Lots of reasons not to go there, but you know me... Comments[0] |
Tue, 6 October 2009 Year 27 Sept. 6, 1994 -- Sept. 5, 1995 Stuff is moving and so are we. Jamaica Plain, MA to Newport, RI, counseling as relationship issues heat up, a specter of a child vies for my attention, more ACIM workshops, promises kept and broken, physical damage to the one hand, intuitive skills being teamed with psychic glimpses... and all the while a building anger fails to mask some foreign rage. Yup, that about sums it up! Comments[0] |
Mon, 5 October 2009 Year 26 Sept 1993 - 1994 It's been nearly two months since I last posted on this journey and my 'real-time' life is busting apart at some very old seams! I've got to wrap-up some background so I can get back to 'now' and these next couple of yearly recalls are lumpy at best. As far as why I'm doing this only time seems to know and that time is still in the future. Some of the biggest changes are taking place right now and reviewing/remembering the journey is challenging at best, but there's some pieces that demand to be looked at again. Here goes... Comments[0] |
Mon, 17 August 2009 'To be continued...' As an aside -- I will continue the story when I return from a family outing. The next 15 posts will include crash & burn in the physical, emotional and psychic realms, therapy sessions, PEER and time with Dr John and finally the arrival of a 'technician' to upgrade my motherboard. I just wanted to let you know I'll be back after I wrap-up some very old family stuff. I'll be in Denmark from the 20th-28th then back into the story. The day I finish the 40-year review my new, next and without a doubt 'original' life will be active. Blessed-be! Comments[0] |
Mon, 10 August 2009 Year 25 September 6, 1992 -- September 5, 1993 Well, here goes; begin divorce proceedings 20+ years after 'first-contact' and try my hand at dating. Pure magical and mystical experience in New Mexico as I retrieve my past life as 'Wounded Eagle' and literally pull one out of thin air at the airport in Albuquerque. Then just as the sun wraps-up its transit through Capricorn I encounter the most bizarre episode I've ever had that wasn't immediately blocked-out. And as this year ends I begin an eight year dance that brings to the light ancient wounds and all the dressings that kept them in place... Comments[2] |
Sat, 8 August 2009 Year 24 September 6, 1991 -September 5, 1992 Well, time is moving very quickly now. The Golden Dance Bookstore - an informational annex is open for business and my readings in the back room are allowing me to meet more and more great individuals. By blending my intense study of ACIM along with the delivery language of astrology, tarot, intuition and trans-dimensional experiences I am providing access to information that at times amazes me as I listen to what is coming through. Workshops in Roscoe, NY on ACIM, my first reading with Elwood Babbitt, severe lower back trauma, intense headaches that seem to require deep soaking in the bathtub, phenomenal psycho-sexual experiences, moving 'out' and ending the 18-yr marriage/20-yr relationship all wrapped-up in one 12-mth package... What next??? Comments[1] |
Sun, 2 August 2009 Year 23 Sept 6, 1990 - Sept 5, 1991 22 years after the painful mantra of "Got to let go... Can't let go..." my self-activation is now tangible even though predominately unconscious. This year I travel off to the Pacific Northwest on a quest, return find the space within 2 days for what will become The Golden Dance Bookstore, change my name from Bill Maney to Will (I Am) Maney after being informed of the power of my given birth name, borrow money from three different folks and 'open for business' the informational annex known as the Golden Dance. My intuitive abilities are expanding and my Self-Contact is ever-increasing through a network of already assigned individuals. A bicycle accident on August 12, 1991 makes it official -- I'm here for the duration now... Comments[0] |
Wed, 22 July 2009 Year 22 September 1989 -- September 1990 Well, the supporting cast is assembled and another phase is initiated. Disbelief, fear, and anger all find their way into several experiences that get delivered into my lap. As I 'hear' my human voice proclaim that something indeed did occur in 1980 I freak-out a bit more before I hide it all away. Then more key players arrive in my 'birthing' process and the out-of-body experiences get written down so I can read them 20 years later... Take it with the grain of sand that will eventually become the pearl after years of being coated by study and contemplation; but for now let's keep it light since it all sounds so ridiculous to say the least! Comments[0] |
Wed, 15 July 2009 Year 21 September 1988 -- 1989 Well just as I began this year 21 years ago with the certainty that there was an emergent presence of a dual awareness settling in, so the last month of my current experiences have solidified that fact. That there was always a plan, a path that would find me and weave itself into my circumstances, has shown itself to me again and again over these past weeks. The recall of 21 years ago has put a new perspective on it all and now I hope to speed-up my recollections and get back to being me, NOW. Here goes... Comments[1] |
Tue, 26 May 2009 Year 20 Sept 6 1987 - Sept 5 1988 Well, let the undoing begin! Whether it's 'You can run, but you cannot hide' or it's 'No matter where you go -- there you are!' I was now officially in the program. Didn't necessarily see it coming, but it came, it got me, and took over. The plan -- I had asked for it to arrive before I ever came here this time around and now it's going to be like a tractor-beam. Comments[0] |
Mon, 25 May 2009 Year 19 Sept 1986 - 1987 Life was good. Back in my safety zone of sailing and boat building completely unaware of all the attention being applied to daily details in order to invite the necessary characters to script my release from a past that will be replayed and released. Alden Yachts was a 'dream-come-true' of a job and it could not last. Whether or not it was self-destruct mode or simply 'promises-kept,' that chapter would be decisive. Yet while in it, the story takes over, and it is often only upon recall that one can see the hand of guidance. I was still blind and burning through my past at a furious pace. I'm guessing that's what the early thirties are for -- or at least it was for me... Comments[0] |
Tue, 5 May 2009 Year 18 Sept 1985 - Sept 1986 Retreating from sense of failure after leaving grad-school due to so many reasons the least of which was a deep unwillingness to accept indoctrination into the language of psychotherapy (DSM III at the time...) I return to the only thing I 'knew' which was boats. Getting me back on an even keel was required as the special effects focus on attention to detail so as to piggyback as much as possible. Little did I know there was a 'Master Plan' and this time around there would be no escape... Comments[0] |
Mon, 4 May 2009 Year 17 Sept 1984 - Sept 1985 Off to Maine to enter graduate school, Diddikai gets trucked to her new home and owner, Aqua-Babies for Nathaniel Scott at age 6-mths, the pressure of committing to a 5-year doctoral program, and the wounds of past surfacing into the mix as I give-up yet again. Say it isn't so, Willie... Comments[0] |
Mon, 4 May 2009 Non-Fictional Dilemma As I prepared to do year 17 several weeks ago I took a hit from the fact that I do not have permission to speak about the deep personal encounters that arrived in my life in 1984-85 through the life story of extended community. As I contemplated one specific event that shook apart the very foundation of a family I visited in the fall of '84, I knew that I could not simply use coded language to transmit the full significance of an ancient wound arriving at the surface to be reclaimed and then released. Due to this perceived dilemma I took a hiatus from recall and really didn't know what to expect as a response from my Self as my commitment to recast the story of my life went into a spin mode without draining the wash water. One thing became clear though, the soiled water that had been soaking the fabric of my storyboard needed to be replaced with fresh water. Kind of like selecting the 'extra rinse' option on the front loading washing machine... It was as if my emotional network over rode my conscious commitment to remember and release in order to move on, and I entered the premise that 'others' would use those troubled years as an indictment in some court of judgment. Knowing that there is no 'other' out-there to judge me, I spent time with my inner judge, giving a listen for a while. It seems I had indeed left a piece of Self fragmented in exile without knowing that I would never be able to leave this dimension behind as long as there was one piece of Self I judged as not worthy of being me. If all doubt is self-doubt, then indeed it is true that all judgment is self-judgment and the true gift can only ever be that all love is self-love. I had forgotten this. So, shall we continue…? Category: 40 Years On -- posted at: 7:11 AM Comments[1] |
Tue, 31 March 2009 Year 16 Sept. 1983 - Sept. 1984 Finish up college (after 7-yr. spring-break!), receive Nathaniel Scott Maney on Feb 26, 1984, apply to grad school, get accepted to UMO, SELL DIDDIKAI, move to Maine... It might appear that I am actually going to make it after all! Appearances can be deceiving... Comments[0] |
Tue, 24 March 2009 Year 15 Sept. 1982 -- Sept. 1983 Another delay as I struggle with 'getting-it-right' by visiting boatyards, welding shops and people from my past. What cannot be expressed properly is the joy and love still waiting to be seen. It was always there, but invisible to my eyes blinded by fear and pain and anger. What can I say... The opportunity to 'Look-Again // Choose-Again' with a guide that knows how to see the truth is ABSOLUTELY worth the time; in fact, time only exists to wait for us to choose to use it correctly! 15 years down, 25 to go over the next 6 months... The love was always there, right here, waiting to be chosen to be seen. It's true; it's all true! Comments[0] |
Tue, 17 March 2009 September 1981 - 1982 Some difficulty in posting this due to ---- well, I'm not sure. Certainly a relatively boring year compared to ones past, but as I move away from Diddikai and boatbuilding and decide to return to school I'm numb in some way. Astrology and Eckankar keep me busy as I begin my personal rebuilding in ways as of yet unclear... Comments[0] |
Mon, 9 March 2009 Year 13 Sept 1980 - Sept 1981 Well, back to Newport RI for a third time... Clearly not done yet. Pretty bruised-up that I failed, again, to make the cut into the ocean sailing/single-handed club. Even though my greatest comfort and ease of expression has always been found on a sailboat underway, it's not to be. On top of that, there was this 'strange' unspoken-about episode we both mutually agreed to forget that seems to have left me even more weird than the average bear, so to speak. So, back to what awaits us both; back to the unfinished lesson plans that have been on low simmer for 3 years just waiting for something to crank-up the heat. No problem; here, let me help! Comments[0] |
Sun, 1 March 2009 Year 12 Sept 1979 - Sept 1980 Back from Panama and doing the scene, Dinner Key / Coconut Grove and our extended community. Hiding in the mangroves from Hurricane David, chilling-out in altered states, magic mushrooms and OOBE's keep me wondering what's next. News that I've been accepted as a participant in the 1980 OSTAR means we need to get to England by mid-may and a lot has to happen. In all of our planning there will be no stopping the big-plan which will come and go in the fog off George's Banks early one foggy morning. Even though instantly forgotten for 11 years, it forms the trigger for what is to come... Comments[0] |
Sun, 22 February 2009 Year 11 Sept 1978 - 1979 This is a long one; time is so full now and running as if we're on some ultimate scavenger hunt with the clock running, running... Life's pace is completely late 1970's and we're running; running toward, running from, collecting all the elements for some alchemical soup never before concocted that would be years in the simmering. Only upon review does it begin to make much sense. Is it madness that drives this train or is it predetermined with all its stops so carefully planned? Only time will tell and time is running at high speed. This year sets the stage for one of the biggest events I will ever be able to imagine... Comments[0] |
Mon, 16 February 2009 Year 10 Sept. 1977 - Sept. 1978 Leaving 'home' for a second time, this time on board 'DIDDIKAI' heading south. The journey is well underway but it feels new, as if it's happening now... Me, M.B. and Bilbo (the 90# Olde-English Sheepdog) headed for Hell's Gate (Long Island Sound, that is... or is it?) and beyond. Reading the Fellowship of the Ring trilogy out loud to each other as we head down the coast. The statement by Confucius was to proven over and over and over again: "No matter where one goes - there they are!" Comments[0] |
Sun, 8 February 2009 Year 9 Sept 6, 1976 - Sept 5, 1977 After my first summer of sailing Diddikai I'm hopelessly gone and it's only a matter of time now... Work continues to focus on the marine field, I enter the first Newport-Bermuda single handed race, have a prophetic dream (actually, several) and slice-and-dice my only hand to temporarily be down to 'one finger and one thumb' while on a boat delivery to Trinidad. Ah, youth; clearly wasted on the young! Comments[0] |
Sun, 1 February 2009 Year 8 Sept 6, 1975 - Sept 5, 1976 22 years old and speeding towards the brick wall of Destiny via the Fates Themselves. Unbeknownst to my human the play is scripted and the special effects are lining up. The cast of characters so carefully chosen that the hand of the master is evident at every turn. Except to me that is. I seem to be flip-flopping between profound certainty and total cluelessness. A seeming impossibility of juxtapositioning my fragments into some form of coherent understanding. And there's still so much more to come... Comments[0] |
Sun, 25 January 2009 Year 7 Sept 6, 1974 - Sept 5, 1975 Going deeper into the world with the unexamined belief that I knew what and where I was going! The arrogant certainty of a 22 year old who had been touched by death and was (seemingly) out of control in a world going awry. No time to plan; barely time to live so fully that every moment was filled to the maximum with... What I didn't know then was that the packages being ordered would most certainly get delivered... Comments[0] |
Sun, 18 January 2009 Year 6; 1973-1974 Road trip's about to end and the next big trip begins! We find out how true it is that one can never really go home again, at least not without paying the fiddler. The insidious nature of my wound is gaining an upper hand and I don't have a clue, as if I'm following some inner unknown script. At times the silence of the invisible audience is downright palpable. And yes, the excursions into altered states continues, big time... Comments[0] |
Sun, 11 January 2009 Year 5 Sept 6, 1972 - Sept 5, 1973 Well, this is big one, a plunge deeper into the illusion except I don't know yet about the illusion. I'm going to leave home twice, take a turn or two into confusion and lose myself in the process. It's time to begin to protect the names of the innocent... Comments[0] |
Mon, 5 January 2009 Sept 6, 1971 - Sept 5, 1972 Leaving high school behind, headed for Boston, a much bigger world awaits... Comments[0] |
Sun, 4 January 2009 Sept 6, 1971 - Sept 5, 1972 Leaving high school behind, headed for Boston, a much bigger world awaits... Comments[0] |
Sun, 28 December 2008 Three years into the life after the tree of pain is now establishing itself as the players begin to assemble and I meet Fate head-on. Comments[0] |
Sun, 21 December 2008 It's a bit graphic at times, having these memories explode to the surface, but in the mix there's another story. It might not make much sense yet, but in the details are the pieces that will reconstruct the human man that tried so hard to hide the light and the gifts bestowed upon him... Comments[0] |
Sun, 14 December 2008 Resistance is high, but futile. Here's my first entry after being given my assignment to review the past 40 years in an effort to recontextualize my journey to this point. Following my Inner Guidance, IAm. Comments[0] |
Sun, 14 December 2008 40 Years in 40 Weeks On Sunday, Dec 7, 2008 it was suggested and generally agreed upon that it was now time to wrap-up my 40-year journey by inviting the recall of each year’s highlights as the reconstruction of my Humpty-Dumpty-Post-Fall avails itself for its finishing touches. Adam/Lynda piped-in that by using the next 40 weeks to juxtaposition the pieces into a finished portrait I might finally see all the players involved in this production in their proper perspective. Neal Erickson was present in his role as both the witness and technical, next-step coach and I began to do the math: 40 weeks from Sunday, December 7, 2008 just happens to be Sunday, September 6, 2009 – the end of 40 years since my electrocution (and later referred to as my 'execution') and my travels since falling from that tree of pain and knowledge. Needless to say, this past week has been fraught with flashbacks and bleed-throughs, forced memories and contacts with my past. I had received a copy of my medical records several years ago (mailed in Sept, 1998 – 30 years on…) which I retrieved last night from storage. Complete with date and time of admittance (9/6/68 @ 3:53PM via Barrington Ambulance) and discharge (10/25/68 @ 11:00 AM) as well as photographs of the damage done, my mind has been rushing to fill in the blanks… So, for the next 40 weeks I intend to re-cap each year through the lens of my current filter as well as inviting – to the best of my ability – the appropriate age set. I may eventually do it in video format, but without some more help from my friends on how to film and edit, that will have to wait. For now, I’m trusting my guide/coach Adam and his intentions as I begin to reconstruct my Self from the ashes of the past. I offer you a seat on the bus in the hope that my journey may shed some light on our collective journey – that of returning to full memory and awareness of who we are in Truth and why we’re here after all. Adam promises it will be worth the effort… Category: 40 Years On -- posted at: 9:30 AM Comments[1] |
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